Basic Needs of Children
Life of a Girl-Mom,  Parenting,  What I Wish my Mother Taught Me

What Children Need the Most from their Parents.

Parents often find themselves wondering if they are giving their children what they need the most. It’s challenging to determine what children need the most from their parents because each child is unique and different, and has their specific needs. Out of love and the pursuit of perfection, parents use their childhood experiences to determine what is best for their kids; some take the material approach, some take the path of becoming best friends with their kids; some are helicopter parents. All children have basic needs, which if applied to intentional parenting will provide a well-balanced, resilient childhood that helps the child to become good citizens of the world.

Basic Needs and Childhood Trauma

On my Podcast episode, How to Build the Most Fulfilling Relationship with Your Children, Sandra Trew and I discussed different parenting styles, how our childhood experiences shape our parenting and ultimately our priorities as parents. Our conversation determined that parents must heal their childhood wounds in order to be better parents.

Basic Needs of Children

Per Sandra, children have two basic needs. Children want love and attention. While I agree with Sandra, I think kids also need affirmations and consistency.


How do you give love? How do you show love? and how do you determine that you are giving and showing love to your kids the right way. As mentioned above, every child is unique and receive love in ways that are unique to them. Start by learning your child’s love language and applying it. When you have determined your child’s unique way to be loved, just do it as often and organically as possible. Showing love in this way will build your child’s self esteem and strengthen your relationship.


Giving your kids attention can be as simple as sitting on the couch, cuddled up and watching TV. Again, each child is unique and parents have to take the extra steps of determining the right form of attention for each child. Some ways to show attention are

  • Smiling at your child when they walk into a room
  • Making eye contact and using caring facial expressions
  • Physical affection with hugs, kisses, hand holding
  • Words of affirmation.
  • Showing interest in your child’s interests, activities and achievements.


Words of affirmations or acts of formations are great ways to meet a child basic needs. Observe your child and affirm the things they do, say, their talents. Making factual statements about your child to them will boost their self esteem, strengthen your relationship and will enable them to build on those strengths.


Consistency as a parents requires one to hold true to their expectations, promises, and reactions. Children have a blind trust towards their parents. The easiest way to break their trust is to be inconsistent. Children need to know that a parents yes mean yes, no means no and that there will be consistency in how a parent speaks, reacts no matter the circumstance.


My conversation with Sandra, taught me that intentional parenting requires parents to heal their childhood wounds in order to give their best to their children; and ultimately meet the basic needs of their children. I also learned to appreciate the importance of validating my children’s feelings and talents.

Thanks for exploring this topic with me

Idara Joy  

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