What I Wish my Mother Taught Me


I wrote a blog post about how my husband gave me the gift of self-approval, read it here http://www.idarajoy.com/the-best-gift-my-husband-has-given-me/.


The opinion of others is important to each of us. Approval from our friends, approval from our spouses, approval from our parents, approval from our employers and co-workers. We seek approval because we are convinced that it is important. We are somehow convinced that approval from others validates us. But, approval from others does not equate validation.


Being self-approved is to approve of your actions and your character without judgment. Consider how the people in your life validate you. They judge how you raise your kids and either approve of your parenting or disapprove of your parenting. The label you as unapproachable because they judge your facial expression without considering the day, night or commute you’ve had. People judge your every word because your words affect them somehow. Always remember that the judgment of others is really the judgment of yourself.


Becoming self-approved requires steps in self-love. My journey to self-approval took several steps.

  • Shutting out the noise and listening to my own voice.
    • I had to learn to ignore the voices around me. Which meant, hearing other people’s opinions, taking what I wanted from their opinion but ignored the opinions that I felt were not important to my current situation.
    • I began to listen to my own voice. It was in my late 20s that I began to understand that I had my own voice and could use it. But to use my voice I needed to now my voice and differentiate it from outside voices.
    • Learning my own voice has guided decisions, has provided mental clarity and emotional well-being. By learning my own voice, I have been able to work through the fear of disappointing others because I am still solely responsible to my self and my joy.
  • Study your likes and dislikes
    • I know what I like, and I know what I do not like. Can I just say that this has played the most rewarding aspect of self-approval? Because it has empowered me to use the power of “yes” and “no.” I do not have to say yes when I really want to say no and I do not have to do anything that I don’t want to do. This practice enables me to approve of my character and actions without condemnation. We often say yes when we really want to say no because we are concerned about judgment and condemnation. Well, learn your likes and dislikes by paying attention to your gut and how you feel after saying yes or no and this will teach you whether the yes is for you or for the satisfaction of others.


You have an incredible gift, we all do, a gift that no one else on earth has. That gift is simply you. Being self-approved enables you to share that gift with those in your household, those in your school, those in your workplace, even those you meet at the grocery store or at the doctor’s office. So, unleash the power within, and give the world the gift of you.

  • Shut out the noise
  • Use the power of yes and no
  • Use the power within by acknowledging that you are a gift.

Happy Reading


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