How to determine what you should control and what isn’t yours to control.
Letting go is extremely challenging, I for one find it very difficult to not control every aspect of my life. For the past month, I have been working on knowing what I can control and how to let go of what I cannot control.
2 types of controlling personalities
First, let us explore 2 versions of controlling personalities.
1. MICROMANAGERS: Micromanagers are incapable of delegating tasks, they want to know every single detail of every task, incident, meeting etc. and when and if they do delegate tasks they spend so much time micromanaging that they miss the opportunity for someone else to shine.
2. CHANGEMASTERS: Those that think they can change otherS, Most times when we try to control the actions of others or change them, we are really operating from a place of fear. We are operating from a place that says” if I control this person, I can prevent trouble or a disaster”. Now there are times when such action is required and appropriate, like holding on to your kids’ hands to prevent them from running into the street, or keeping all sharp objects locked up to prevent your kids from hurting themselves, or when you work in an environment where the patrons have a propensity to hurt themselves or others.
Know when to let go
The key in both instances is to determine, when control is appropriate and when you have to let go. So, how do you determine when to control and when to let go?
1. Determine what you have control over and CAN control.
This process requires patience and actively working on letting go. Get a small writing pad and every time you have an urge to react, respond or take care of something, write it down, create a running list for at least 2 weeks. At the end of each day, review each item,
a. Ask yourself, is this item worth responding to?
b. Am I the appropriate person to respond to this item or is it someone else’s responsibility?
c. If I am the appropriate person, can I delegate it to someone else?
d. Determine the fear factor driving your need to control.
e. Determine, how you can delegate the task if possible and still receive verifiable information to provide you with satisfaction.
Creating the list will help you to visualize the things you want to control and determine whether your time can be spent in a more productive way. Using this practice will over time enable you to let go, focus on what is important, delegate what isn’t your responsibility and empower others to strive for more.
Leave a comment and share how your list is helping you to let go.