Learning to let go of control can be very challenging. Have you ever made the statement “if such and such could just do_________”, “if they would just listen to my advice because I know what I am talking about” “I can help them see reason and I will change their mind.
I love Maya Angelou, one of my favorite quote of hers is “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
I will be completely honest and direct. YOU CANN0T CHANGE OTHERS. You cannot convince anyone to do things your way, you cannot provide enough data or research to make anyone change their behavior or ideology, because you have no control or very limited control over other people. You can, however, change yourself and your expectations.
Let Go by Changing Yourself
1. Change your perspective: Change your perspective about things and consider the fact that different people can arrive at the same outcome or solution in different ways. Consider that while you may see things one way, someone else’s perspective will provide you with a different lens to look through.
2. Accept yours and everybody else’s flaws. Be realistic about who you really are and accept others for who they really are. The more time you spend with someone, the more you see who they really are. Back to the Maya Angelou’s quote, when people show you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM. When you observe who people really are through interaction with them BELIEVE THEM. Then take some time to accept them for who they are and if necessary mourn the fact that your idea of who you want them to be will not come to pass.
Accepting your flaws and the flaws of others helps you to hope for the best while entrusting confidence in others.
Let go by Managing your Expectations
1. Sometimes our expectations of others are impossible to meet. High expectation is a symptom of being self-focused. We set high expectations because we feel that we are better and can do better than others. We subconsciously set other people up to fail or fall short of our expectations. When people fail to meet your expectations you can have the opportunity to re-assure your need to control. Managing your expectations limits the focus on you and gives the other person an opportunity to be at ease when interacting with you.
2. Communicate your expectations and desired outcome. If you have difficulty letting go, then you must be proactive in managing your relationship with others. It is common knowledge that communication is key to any successful relationship. Be proactive in communicating your expectations upfront so that you create an avenue for open dialogue; establish a workable plan that meets both of your needs.
It is important to recognize that your desire for control is born out of your desire to make sure the world around you is operating as you want it. But sometimes a little disruption to our world and desires is an opportunity to reassess and reset.
Thanks for exploring this topic with me.
Idara Joy
